Embrace the ugly, release the beautiful

I used to play victim each and every time something didn’t go my way.

I’d feel horrible and would always blame outside forces for the reason of my failures.

It couldn’t be me, it could only be the circumstances around me.

Why was life this way? Why couldn’t good things happen to me? Why couldn’t I have the kind of life my “friends” have?

This thinking started when I was in class five and has been a leech since then. Some days it gets better and I am able to acknowledge that some of the choices I’ve made haven’t been the best in any way; but sometimes , some days I wallow in the what ifs, in the comparison between myself and my friends; In how they are achieving their goals and I’m still stuck on most of the ones I set at 16. 

From the outside looking in, it may seem that I’ve got it all figured out. ๐Ÿ˜” My life seems like a poster of happy living and positivity. It’s not. Everyone’s childhood was tough, mine was no different. Though I grew up hating the circumstances around my formative years, I appreciate them now for I wouldn’t be where I am without the lessons I’ve learnt through each season that came with that childhood. 

I once read a book called “scars to stars” ( or something like that LOL๐Ÿ˜Ž ). I was about 14/15 when I read it and the things I read there are what are influencing me in this moment and time. 
Like I said, looking in everything seems like it’s popping in my life, the smile shows a faรงade of a life full of joy and true, allowing God in my life has brought most of that in, but some days the smile is a mask to the turmoil inside.๐Ÿ˜ฏ
By now if you follow my blog you know I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2 (something I disagree with now๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜’). 

I admit I am a survivor of some serious depression and suicidal thoughts. It has its days and I’m here to just encourage anyone who feels like life is hard that good days are ahead.๐Ÿ˜Š
I thought because of the relationships I saw growing up that I was doomed in the love department, but I met a guy who has loved and embraced all the good and bad in me and loves me despite it all.๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œโค
I thought I’d never grow up to see my dreams of being a doctor come to be, because someone said to me that I’d never amount to anything, but I’m a year shy of graduation( praise Jesus).๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿ’ƒ
I thought I’d never get to a place of loving myself, because of a lot of nasty things I did to myself and to others, but it’s happening in its own way in its own time.
So you, you who is having a rough time smiling, you there, crying yourself to sleep wondering when the dawn will come.

You holding those pills thinking the end really seems better than the present moment, do hear this.
The best thing the world has ever known is in you. You are loved and appreciated by so many around you. They may not say it often but they do.You are beautiful , amazingly talented, you have the world at your feet and you are powerful. Embrace the power and let your light shine..

If you know someone struggling with depression and suicidal ideation, kindly share this with them.

I am also open to talking to anyone who feels this way. 
I love you folks


7 thoughts on “Embrace the ugly, release the beautiful

  1. Thanks for sharing Gesh. We are all so ugly and broken on the inside but Iโ€™m being reminded that God loves us immensely. May we understand how long, how wide, how deep is the love of Christ for us. He turns our ashes into beauty.

  2. I loved this. I am so happy that you are beginning to see the light at the end of what may have seemed like a never ending tunnel. I am finding that we can all get to these realisations if only we let God do for us what we canโ€™t do for ourselves.
    Thanks Love.

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