Sleeping with the lights on

How do you battle the sadness? That you don’t even know the origin of? How do you cheer yourself up from something you can’t really explain?

“You can’t go back there wangechi..you’ve battled hard for the past half year! Don’t go back!”

I can hear me telling myself, some other part of me that has holed itself in a room, a room with no Windows, afraid of the sunlight because it just reveals too much. It penetrates into the crevices that I once patched up with paper mache and false promises of a better tomorrow, now withered away with even deeper cracks of nothingness.
You’d wonder why, why does depression come to those who seem to have everything going so well for them? A girl with a loving family, pursuing a career with lots of benefits, loved by a number, liked by many. What reasons would she possibly have to be sad?

I desperately search for answers, to why my mind can’t seem to appreciate the sunlight, the clear blue skies and the rainbow over the hills.

I wish I knew, for knowledge is power and I’d finally be able to get rid of the demons that come out from underneath my bed to haunt me as I sleep and remind me that no matter how hard I smile, I am still that girl, the girl with a past she can’t leave behind.

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2 thoughts on “Sleeping with the lights on

  1. We all have a past, the only time you should ever look back is to see how far you have come and encourage another person who needs it. Use your past as your testimony of what God can do. Your Creator says “you are a masterpiece.” Get in agreement with God and never forget to realize how much He loves you.

  2. I believe, it depends on how you look at it. Without our terrible pasts, we wouldn’t know what to look forward to. We wouldn’t know what kind of people we want to be. We wouldn’t know what our definition of happy is. And we wouldn’t know how to be who we want to be.

    Everyone has a past. If you take it as a yoke it will always pull you down. If you take it as a launch pad it will be your very own recipe for success.

    You are alive, wake up in the morning, thank God, soak in the sunlight and step out into the world with bravery and a smile. For you are smart, beautiful and worthy of happiness.

    Be you, for God made you that way. He doesn’t make mistakes.

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