Am I cut out?

Fall seven times,

Stand up eight.

I recently grew tired of making excuses. Excusing others for their behavior and mannerisms citing age and what not. I grew tired of making excuses for myself to myself on matters pertinent to me. I always seem to make plans on forging forward or doing something meaningful with my life but a few days in I quit. I down my tools and put my plans at the back of my mind and call it “good-riddance” better to start than not start at all. Excuses!!

But later on, maybe days, maybe months maybe years, the plans I made are now too much to be kept at the back of my mind and they start knocking on my subconscious making known that they are lonely and want out again. 

To most of you, I got it all figured out. Honestly, I do feel inadequate sometimes. My reason for quiting is mostly because I put this high expectation; this targets that -true may not be beyond my reach- but I have the doubts of what if

I was recently explaining to a close friend my intense fear of failing. Failing to the world, to my mother, to the ideology of self and therefore I quit before I fail. I jump out of the car fearing I will crash even when the sailing is relatively peaceful. Shameful I know, but this year….

Oh this year is different!!!!!

 I started and I’m still continuing. I’m ready for failure, failure just means I can pick up and try again. Failure means that I am a conqueror to my errors and a learner to newer and better ways. And boy have I fallen. Sometimes I say whatever and just lay in bed during my workout time and watch a movie. Sometimes instead of healthy eating I eat bhajia(thanks Victor😋😋😋). Sometimes I just can’t finish a workout but I’m not letting it put me down that I won’t get there..

So this year….

I’m going to get to my perfect body size that is not measured by the scale.

I’m going to grow strong spiritually and mentally.

I’m going to love and love without bounds to those around me and to myself.

I’m going to meet my 2017 goals because this year I AM cut out. And if for a reason I fall along the way, I’ll learn how to pick up the pieces and move on some more…


Hello 2017

👋👋👋👋I know I know, who says hello 21 days late right? Well clearly this girl right here. Ha! 😌😌😌. I wish I could have written sooner but 2017 started with intense life lessons and I just needed to stand on my feet you know?

When I was much younger, my mother always used to tell me that friends are those who Pick you and you pick them. I never understood what that meant honestly. For a long time I’ve struggled with the ideology of friendships. At most points in my life I either have really close friends or I don’t. 2017 has started with me thinking about all this largely because I feel deserted by those I once called friends. 
Who am I friends? Am I a good friend to those I call friends? What do we talk about? What do people see when they look at us? A whole bunch of questions banging on my head. 

It hit me though that true undying friendships is like any other relationship. It entails work too. Work to communicate, work at being consistent with that person. There is nothing great that comes without work and same applies to friendship. One person can’t always be initiating or calling you out all the time to make plans. It must be a joined effort. I was always that person, texting and calling and saying I miss them and we should meet up and catch up and all that. But my energy is low and I feel that I can no longer give of myself to someone who hasn’t done the same to me and for me. 

One person told me I always over think about everything. And to some extent they may be right. I, however, am learning to live a life without regrets I have to be my first true friend and that will require me to love myself unconditionally. 

2017 has lost me a lot of friends in just 21 days. I’m I sad that they are gone? Kinda. What will I do about it? Nothing. For when God works in your life, things gotta change. And the work that’s begun I wouldn’t dare change it for anything.

Keep smiling:):):)