You’ve heard of the expression she is a hot mess…well many have called me that…I’m assuming its coz I’m pretty(yes I’m tooting my own horn but what the hell๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜) and that I have the ability to mess up good things that come my worries I’m working on that part.

See the other day I was on a YouTube mission to listen to Joel Osteen coz I was feeling abit mellow and sad๐Ÿ˜–.I needed some uplifting and some motivation to keep being me and do what I do without feeling less of a person, one of his sermons was about how God doesn’t make mistakes.

See I have a unique story that you will have the opportunity to hear one day. And due to that story I am fearful of love and relationships. Don’t get me wrong I’m not the kind NOT to fall in love,on the other hand I fall really hard sometimes; however I have this walls and when I feel like someone has gotten so close I go into what I call a sabotage mission…to just make whatever we have crumble.I know nasty behaviour right?๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Back to my story..see as he was talking I begun to realise that my past shouldn’t determine my present…just because I made a few mistakes in the past shouldn’t mean I should carry them into the relationship that I have with other people…coz God already knew my whole story even before I was born..he knew that I would go through a,b,c and for that reason I am who I am today.

Will you accept me and love me for all my faults?

I am on a continuous journey of self discovery. I have learnt this year that I hold grudges on myself. For not being like so and so or as bright as who and whom…I hold myself to such great expectations that I carry that into my association with other people .
If I do this, May you please be generous with your mercy and forgiveness and see me through eyes of love. Would you hold me in those moments of self doubt and assure me that despite my stupidity of chasing you away that you Still want me?

I ask for your words of honesty and your kindness at heart to hold my hand even when we are in an argument, to never let the sun rise without the words “I love you” come from your lips. To always hug me like tomorrow is not assured coz for sure it really isn’t.
I ask that your eyes see nothing but beauty even on the days that I have no makeup on. To hear the good even when it’s just venom that leaks through my mouth. To wipe my tears and whisper God’s assured word of promise for a better tomorrow.

May we awake with prayer for a stronger union and two hearts full of love.
I ask not for continuous texts proclaiming love but a call with our secret code.
I ask for patience during our time together as we both work on discovering who we are together and as individuals.

I promise to do the same for you..because once you have my love, it’s yours to keep.
So please don’t let what we have fade out. Don’t let the fire burn out.

Forever and alwaysโคโคโคโค



Surging forward

Everyone gets their fair share of disappointment and low points. If you don’t get those then something is definitely wrong somewhere. If I could explain the number of disappointments I’ve endured this year alone we would be here the whole of today and this week for that matter. But this isn’t a sad post..this is to help you get on your feet(maybe๐Ÿ˜Š)

This ย past weekend has taught me a great deal about myself. It showed me that even if you have “moved on” from a self inhibiting thought, that same behaviour can creep up behind you and surprise you in ways you can’t imagine. ๐Ÿ˜‘๐Ÿ˜‘

“Battles within must be fought using positive words and a smile” I can’t remember where I heard that but its been on my mind today. Whatever haunts you at night can come and kill you during the day. Facing your fears doesnt make you less of a person. Accepting that you made a mistake is actually better than hiding behind false pretences. What do I mean? Well imagine you had an issue with your body weight and yes you’ve been hitting that cardio every day for the past month and then someone some where says “you’ve added abit of weight”๐Ÿ˜ง๐Ÿ˜ง๐Ÿ˜ง๐Ÿ˜ฆ๐Ÿ˜ฆ๐Ÿ˜ฆ that kills you right? Well like I said battles within…you posses the power to tear yourself down or pick yourself up at that point.

Probably make a sassy remark about how meat is expensive and bones are cheap then wink and walk away..but in the silence of the night what was said will creep up and disturb you . Make sure you take the positive side of it. Never balk down.accept what is and move from there..

That’s just an example,for me it is accepting that I feel like the past will haunt my future…that my insecurities will chase away any guy who likes me from when that little demon peaks out of its hiding place. However like I said “with positive thinking and smiles…


Just musings from an agitated mind..

Have a fantastic week ahead dudes and duddets*๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜