To the man who will one day hold my heart

simple but so beautiful

simple but so beautiful

To you; my future, a piece of my smile, a portion of my bliss, a segment of my heart, I write you a letter; a letter bearing smithereens of me laid out, so that when you do arrive at the edge of my gated heart, you may not be dismayed by the pack of wolves and the huge walls barricading such a small but fundamental piece of me, Wangechi, your future, your consort, the mother of your children.
I may or may not have met you already, but if I have then I am glad we are friends now. Friends because all things, rather all true things, must have a foundation, a solid base and ours shall be friendship. Lucky for you, age has taught me how to choose my friends wisely. Don’t be shocked by my number of followers on twitter or Instagram being so many.Many of them just being that followers, bag-piped dreamers I acquaint with from day to day. My true friends are those that I know, I feel, I see that their concern, love and critic goes beyond covetous idealisms. So I know that at some point you shall enter this esteemed club of true friends; and that makes me so glad; for there shall be no lies, no façades, and no demons hidden behind doors and in the crevices of our future. I say no pretenses because you will have fallen for the real me, the crazy me, the passionate me, the loud me and all the other versions of me that I continue to discover daily and I too shall be fall in love with for who you truly are; for friends don’t pretend.

2
We shall have enjoyed each other’s company, the sordid crazy jokes, the god-awful voice you shall have as you try to match pitch with mine as we sing the night away and all other stupid-fun-exhilarating things that we shall do forming banks of reminisce in our old golden years.
We shall have truly come to learn and know about ourselves so that when we are asked who we are, we know, we understand that having a “criteria” isn’t so bad for it is just but a means to sort and sift out all the bad ‘maybes’ and more so the good ‘maybes’ too; who just don’t quite fit because they aren’t US. As my good friend Sally says, if there is no friendship between lovers then it isn’t true love to begin with. Don’t you agree?
On the other hand if we haven’t met, I’m presuming it is for the best for Gods timing is always perfect. I know He is molding you as He is molding me. Truth is, I shall date a few “frogs” before you, my prince, arrive and they will teach me the music, culture, art and most likely the male psyche.
So to whoever you may be, here I am; not quite ready for you just yet but most certain that you are out there. Understanding that you are building your (I mean our) empire as I build mine, I shall not push or shove into your life for everything is already predestined by my first love Jesus Christ. So on that note may I add that though you are my love, Jesus is my eternity; for our work on earth is to please Him and not man. Know that I shall love you with my heart, not all of it though as it belongs to God, my Father in heaven, but I shall love you none the less. I’m not perfect, I will probably say the wrong things but like I always say, imperfections are what make us all uniquely perfect.
So to you my imperfect soul mate I await.

Because I am funny like that :-P

Because I am funny like that 😛

Yours in the future,
Wangechi

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letter to my father 2

Dear dad, daddy, father…
I don’t know how to refer to you. I presume you are so busy “chasing the paper” as we young ones call it, that time hasn’t been on your side to respond to my first letter. Never the less dad, daddy, father( 😦 we need to figure out how I should call you) I feel like I should continue writing to you…it helps me you see; to dig into your mind and maybe just maybe ,figure out what advice or stories you would give me as we sip some cold juice on the swing set outside.

dear
Anyway dad, daddy, father (arrrrghh…here we go again huh ;-)) see I met a man the other day. I don’t know whether to denote to him as a man, a boy or a person as I never did get this lessons from you as I grew up. In spite of this, I met him; he was a gentleman, doing all the nice things, saying all the correct things, laughing at all my kinked jokes (who knew I was funny). He called me beautiful, not sexy, not pretty or cute like a sweater you would see on the window display of Woolworths. Daddy he said my eyes glistened and my smile could light up the room. He called my figure “out of this world” in reference to you know, vital assets your genes in alliance with mum gave unto me your daughter. Dad I think  I know...no I’m not sure but I fell hard and though my mind told me to run and hide because society has taught me that all men are dogs( apologies ) my heart yielded me to stay and hear what he has to say.
Pop, he held me close and he told me his life story and how he came to be who he was. He poured his soul and his thoughts and with every moment I stayed next to him I was in a day dream, transported to another universe where happiness together with giddiness and fear gave equal measure to my catecholamine release and my feet were glued. I couldn’t leave his side, dreading that he may disappear into the night and I may be envisaging this experience. I couldn’t leave it to luck coz my experience with fate leaves me disparaged and torn apart leaving me nude to the harsh environment to laugh and to beat upon me, taunting me of my failures and shortcomings.
So I stayed and soon the night came to an end and we bade our goodbyes, promising to keep in-touch and daddy do you know what he did? He kissed my forehead, as cliché as it may sound, that kiss resonated deep into those dark corners of my heart guarded by soldiers and pain-demons that fear the light of love and hope to dwell on it, lest the gates open. I was in a relationship with fear daddy and I hated him but this man/boy came in and gave me hope.Hope is a dangerous thing this days dad..
So daddy explain to me why he hasn’t called or texted?  :’-( Explain to me daddy please; because I don’t know what men or boys do, how they act, how they think… Who is a man daddy? And who is a boy? Because I have no clue and as days pass on daddy it seems maybe he will turn out to be just like you.

current mood

current mood

As always your daughter

UNFOOTED

We are just incomplete creatures living in the abyss of matter trying to find out footing in this thing called life.

shadows

you see what you want to see….

We try and remember the steps taken by the for-bearers who carried the heavy affliction of not knowing exactly what they were doing but never the less valiant enough to take it. They created their own path, their own niche, their own principle of working through the crazy and as the years go by, people see it working and they idealize and put their dreams in THIS enclosed space, trusting and praying that it will work out the same for them as it did for others. They don’t see the struggle, or the tears, the angry “significant other”, the weary parent.

yup

All they see is a success story written on glossy pages of magazines and hear it on prime time television and they envision themselves being you. They will their ambitions, their lives, their resolve with THAT criteria and worry into the night, creating streaks of sorrow and distress and are not at ease with their lives and soon they reason that they are not worth the very thing they sort out to be; because they didn’t see failure in your PLAN, they didn’t see any agony in your plan; they stay up at night, burning the midnight oil, stacking up bills of squandered dreams and elapsed happiness. Who knew?

Sadly they don’t realize that each mind is unalike, each plan inimitably set apart, defined by who we are as individuals, as mortals walking and breathing matter that yes may be the alike but inherently not the same. For each ying has its own yang and no one can separate the two entities.
So why take someone’s yang and assume it will fit for your ying. Baby your ying is special and cannot be defined. Love, you are remarkably talented and no one’s dreams can reach yours. See every mind has the aptitude to be more, to open up and create beautifully crafted ideas, mesh them up and sell it as a package. But sweetie no one will see the silent anguish of failed proposals or will be there in a presentation when the big guy isn’t impressed. See the world is too selfish to care about your torments; all it wants is to celebrate your accomplishment and milk you for it. So be cognizant of those close to you, be vigilant of the wolves in sheep’s clothing called friends; who only want one thing from you. Be aware that even in this life, nothing comes for free but be so virtuous that you repay your dues and you recompense yourself for even great men require a pat in the back.

here's my pat to you

here’s my pat to you

now lets go do something world changing..

You should fart sometime

It’s 11.40pm and I’m bushed, exhausted more than usual. That pathology paper though 😦 . I’m lying here on my bed and I’m thinking how badly i want to fart…don’t go judging me here..here me out 😉 …so here I am under the covers and I want to fart one of those big-let-it-out ripple stinker doodles( we’ve all had them..hehe..don’t be ashamed 😀 )

fart

Its a big ripple and I can feel it forming in my intestines, gradually making its way down south making those god awful noises that aren’t so alluring but always happening when your near that ‘ka-jamaa’ your crushing on..anyway back to my point….I’m in my dark room(lights are off I was going to bed), windows closed( due to my paranoia of stalkers watching me sleep at night, they are forever closed despite the heat- too many criminal minds and stalker episodes I presume) and this fart is coming fast.. I know deep down( and just in case you don’t have the deep connection and intuition feelings with your farts I advise you get checked..:-P )

gut feeling

gotta trust your gut I tell you

Anyway I know deep down that if I let this one out it will be one hell of a rumpus in my room…I have like 3 seconds to decide…to keep it in or to let it out..

If I keep it in I will be the classic bloated goat the entire night and in my current state, sleep is necessary. On the other hand if I let it out under the covers, that would mean that I would have to huff fart the entire night or week for that matter; and if I let it out in the open, the entire room will smell of brouhaha till morning come meaning that it may get onto my clothes, into my closet, onto my bags and I would be a walking stench the entire day( not unless hell freezes over /o\) DILEMMA!!!!!!

OHHHH..this is excruciating….okay decision made…

I let it out and it comes with the exuberance of a young juvenile winning his first duel together with the roar of lions and the sordid laugh of a hyena…you get that horrid but pleasant sound??…It goes on and on and ohhhhh the freedom it brings…..

HALLELUJAAAAAAH….

spongebob

All for the love for sponge bob

After the undulations end, it hits me how suddenly free I feel..Its crazy I know. I needed to let it out and it came out with all the tensions,frustrations,bottled excitements, the ups,downs,crazy and dull moments of the day that were weighing on me……I won’t lie that felt crazy good..\o/

I don’t know about y’all but I think y’all just need to fart, even if its just a little bit before you sleep…Or not :-P; if your sleeping in the same room with others we don’t need cases of suffocation amongst us…but all in all find a way to let it all out before it comes out in other ways…IE diarrhea….and not just the normal one if you get what i mean….

But it stinks in here so let me open the windows for a bit, or the whole night who knows I may conquer my fears tonight as well… 🙂

that breeze though....brrrr

that breeze though….brrrr

See you on the next one …

remember to fart…hehehe

PS:- don’t go judging me if you see me tomorrow 🙂

there is no spongebob without patrick :)

there is no spongebob without patrick 🙂

I Know Me

I wake up and look in the mirror and I ask myself how I can look pretty, how I can enhance my beauty and make me look like so and so; I have fought and struggled to be beautiful, I have cried and toiled to get glowing skin and to lose a few kilos here and there so that I can squeeze into the latest fashion and look like “her”…..

But I am tired of the struggle to be who I am not. I am me

I am Wangechi, the girl with the infectious laugh, and the twinkle in her eye. I am the fat girl with the big smile,big tummy, big thighs but none the less big heart

.I am the girl who has gone through hell and back but has made it here;-to this moment in time, triumphant and more ambitious to get to where she is going. I am the girl who will will cry and laugh at the same moment, through the same eyes shows fear and shows strength.

My eyes are open and are seeing the world shape around me and will not be left behind. I will conquer all that you will bring to me. Watch me and you will see me rise up from the ashes to break every chain set against me.

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I am imperfect but through my imperfections I am seen as perfect, maybe not to you but to those that matter. To God I am more beautiful that any other human being and nothing else matters.

Wonderful week ahead to you imperfect perfect friends…

:-*